Clean Christian Jokes That Will Make You Smile Like Never
Clean Christian Jokes is something that might sound strange to you if you are one of those Christians that don’t think God has a sense of humor.
Opening with a few funny and clean Christian jokes is a great way to lighten the mood and get people laughing. Safe, clean Christian jokes can be used in a wide variety of situations such as:
Comic relief in a message, keeping a youth group entertained on a long bus ride and bringing everyone to attention at the start of service.
Also, a clean Christian joke serves as an icebreaker when meeting new people at a Christian retreat or camp meeting or even bringing down barriers that we may create for ourselves at other church social events.
You may probably be like me, who is in love with clean Christian you. Funny and clean Christian jokes are kind of hard to come by, we’ve started a new list of funny Christian jokes for you to use at your next retreat, camp, or any other Christian event.
This post is intended to be a constantly growing list of the best Christian jokes and updated frequently.
10 Clean Christian Jokes to Calm Your Nerves
Enough talk, let us get down to business. Here are good Christian jokes you can use anytime and anywhere.
1. The Kindergarten Teacher
A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping”
At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”
Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
2. The Funeral Service
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out.
As they are walking, the husband calls out, “Watch out for the wall!”
3. Palm Sunday Joke
It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his father told him.
“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one Sunday I don’t go and he shows up.”
4. The Engineer in Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.
He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.
Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?”
Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
“What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me.”
“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”
God insists: “Send him back or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?
5. The Inexperienced Preacher
An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper’s cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost.
When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.
The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”
6. Adam’s Underwear
Visiting his grandparents, a small boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out. He picked it up and found that it was an old leaf that had been pressed flat between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” he called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.”
With astonishment in his voice, the boy answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
7. The Beggars in Ireland
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland. One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions.
People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross.
Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.
A priest watches for a while and then approaches the men. He says to the man with the Star of David,
“Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions holding a Star of David.”
The man turns to the one with the cross and says, “Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?”
8. $5,000 Dog Funeral
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.
“Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why did ya’ not tell me the dog was Catholic?
9. The 10 Commandments and the Jews
Centuries ago, God came down, went to the Germans and said, “I have Commandments that will help you live better lives.”
The Germans ask, “What are Commandments?”
And the Lord says, “Rules for living.”
“Can you give us an example?”
God says, “Thou shalt not kill.” “Not kill? We’re not interested.”
So God went to the Italians and said, “I have Commandments…”
The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not steal.”
“Not steal? We’re not interested.”
Next the Lord went to the French saying, “I have Commandments…”
The French wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”
And the French were not interested.
God then went to the Jews and said, “I have Commandments…”
“Commandments,” said the Jews, “How much are they?”
“They’re free.” “We’ll take 10.”
10. The Priest and the Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither one of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi says, “So you’re a priest.
That’s interesting; I’m a rabbi. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace.”
The priest replies, “Oh, yes, I agree. It’s a miracle that we survived and are here together.”
“And here’s another miracle,” says the rabbi.
“My car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune,” he says, handing the bottle to the priest.
The priest nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands it back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes it and puts the cap back on.
“Aren’t you going to have any? asks the priest. “Not right now,” says the rabbi. “I think I’ll wait until after the police make their report.”
At this point you should be gasping for breath. You can’t believe how hard i laughed at these clean christian jokes writing them myself. Don’t be selfish, share the jokes with friends, it is bad to laugh alone.
CSN Team.
