January 2022 Funny Coffee Quotes that’ll Wake You Right Up and Sharp

– Funny Coffee Quotes –

You would have known by now that there is a certain addiction to coffee. Obviously, this has to be because the volume of coffee consumed by humans in a day is far higher than most other substances. Doubtlessly, the many many funny coffee quotes are inspired by the strong attraction people have for this substance.

Do you know any funny coffee quotes? If your reply is negative, then it clearly shows you do not take coffee. The culture of taking coffee is global and has transcended multiple nations. Little wonder why we have funny coffee quotes from all classes of people.

Thus, this article is going to take through some lovely and funny coffee quotes. Learn and get entertained.

Really Hilarious and Funny Coffee Quotes

Interestingly, many people have given funny coffee quotes. Since it is a likable substance, many people love to joke with it. This article has the most outstanding and funny coffee quotes there are.

1. “Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis–a good hot cup of coffee.”–Alexander King.

2. “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”-Stephanie Piro.

3. “Black as night, sweet as sin.”–Neil Gaiman

4. “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Alfred Renyi

5. “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” — Charles Maurice de Millerand

6. “Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven’t had our coffee, in which case we feel 107.” -Martha Beck

7. “Black coffee must be strong and boiling; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.” – Andre Simon.

8. “Adventure in life is good… consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Headley

9. “Coffee – it’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions! – Mike Ditka

10. “Chocolate and coffee? Together? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader’s Digest.” -Darynda Jones.

11. “Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” – Rohan Marley

12. “Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

13. “Coffee first. Schemes later.”-Leanna Renee Hieber

14. “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. New York has great water for coffee.” – David Lynch

15. “Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm.” -Dutch Proverb

16. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”-Cassandra Clare

17. “Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.” – Agatha Christie

18. “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!”-Howard Schultz

19. “Coffee in England is just toasted milk.” – Christopher Fry

20. “I could smell myself awake with that coffee.”-Jaesse Tyler

21. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais

22. “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t”.–Martha Quinn

23. “Coffee is a language in itself”-Jackie Chan

24. “I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine.”-Robyn Schneider

25. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett

26.  “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.”-Carly Simon

27. “Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

28. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons”.–T.S.Eliot

29. “Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.” — Terri Guillemets

30. “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.” – Burt Lancaster

31. “Coffee is the average person’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.”- Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir

32. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black

33. “Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.”-Jonathan Swift

34.  “I like my coffee as I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”-Jac Vanek

35. “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love.” – Turkish proverb

36. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” – Clark Gable

37. “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jessi Lane Adams

38. “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.”-Terry Pratchett

39. “Coffee was food in that house, not a drink.”-Patricia Hampl

40. “Free yourself from the slavery of tea and coffee and other slop kettles!” -William Cobbett

41. “Coffee, (which makes the politician wise, / And see thro’ all things with his half-shut eyes).” – Alexander Pope

42. “Even terrible coffee is better than no coffee at all.”-David Lynch

43. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”Thomas Jefferson

44. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”-Jean Kerr

45. “Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised”. – Star Trek: Voyager

46. “Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.” – Bob Irwin

47. “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.”-Terri Guillemets

48. “He was my dream, and I was his coffee – And when you poured us together, it was something.”-Josephine Baker

49. “I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee.” -Bella Abzug

50. “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” -Flash Rosenberg

51. “I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor of some direction.” -Jarod Kintz

52. “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” – Marcia Carrington

53. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” – Steven Wright

54. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

55. “I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.” – John William Van Druten

56. “Coffee: creative lighter fluid.” -Floyd Maxwell

57. “I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.” – Howard Schultz

58. “I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless.”-Napoleon Bonaparte

59. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” ― Louisa May Alcott

60. “I’ve taken up meditation. I like to have an espresso first to make it more challenging.” -Betsy Salkind

61. “If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.”-Mae West

62. “Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what’s unsustainable in their communities. That’s the future.”–Ian Somerhalder

63. “If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality”. – David Letterman

64. “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”-Abraham Lincoln

65. “It is inhumane to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity”. – Dave Barry

66. “If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, take the spoon out of the cup.” -Norm Crosby

67. “Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever makes you happy.” – Rita Moreno

68. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from–or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.” ― Gabriel Bá

69. “It must be slow, for I have been drinking it for sixty-five years and I am not yet dead.” – Voltaire

70. “No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.”-Henry Ward Beecher

71. “It turned out people truly cried into their coffee cups.”-Jodi Picoult

72. “It’s amazing how the world changes through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors

73. “Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.” -Jilly Cooper

74. “I’ve taken up meditation. I like to have an espresso first to make it more challenging.” – Betsy Salkind

75. “No matter how much strong coffee we drink, the almost after-dinner speech will counteract it.” -Kin Hubbard

76. “Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It’s the only thing “real” men do that doesn’t seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it’s on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.” – Erma Bombeck

77. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee.”-Cherise Sinclair

78. “lack coffee must be strong and boiling; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.”-Andre Simon

79. “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kadir

80. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”-Fran Drescher

81. “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” – Edward Abbey

82.  “People don’t stop eating, and they don’t stop drinking coffee.”-Magic Johnson

83.  “People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!” – Anonymous

84. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”-Earl Wilson

85. “Some of the world’s most effective thoughts happen over a brew of morning’s coffee”-Prabhukrishna M

86. “The coffee is prepared in such a way that it makes those who drink it witty: at least there is not a single soul who, on quitting the house, does not believe himself four times wittier that when he entered it.”-Charles de Secondat Montesquieu

87. “The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot.”-Betty MacDonald

88. “The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

89. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”-James Mackintosh

90. “The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first.”-Theodore Roosevelt

91. “There are various theories what characteristics, what combination of traits, what qualities in our men won [World War II]… but, speaking from my observation of our armed forces, I should say the war was won on coffee.” -Ilka Chase

92.  “There isn’t enough coffee in the United States to keep everyone awake during a Presidential election campaign.” -Donald W. Brown

93. “There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia

94. “These angry zombies were rushing to work, and their eyes flashed fair warning: Don’t mess with us. We haven’t had our coffee.” -Joan Frank

95. “They said I could be anything, so I was caffeinated!” Lizzie Chantree

96. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”- Hugh Jackman

97. “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”-David Letterman

98. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld

99. “What do you want?” “Just coffee. Black – like my soul.” – Cassandra Clare

100. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup”. – Henry Rollins

101. “What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee”. – Anthony Trollope

102. “What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee?” -King Louis XV

103. “When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas…” – Emo Philips

104. “When traveling with someone, take a large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.”-Helen Hayes

105. “Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.”-Barista Life

106. “Why do they always put mud into coffee on board steamers? Why does the tea taste of boiled boots?” -William Makepeace Thackeray

107. “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.”-Nancy Kress

108. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.”-Johann Sebastian Bach

109. “You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.” – Adam Gopnik

110. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”-Lewis Black

111. ‘I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.”-John Van Druten

112. “You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.” – Adam Gopnik

113. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better”.–Justina Chen

There are so many benefits of taking coffee. Though the addiction is condemned, you can get addicted to these funny coffee quotes. Coffee is here with us and it is here to stay. I hoped you enjoyed all the different flavors of the funny coffee quotes above.

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CSN Team.