Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes (Funny Quotes from the Movie) : Current School News

 Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes (Funny Quotes from the Movie)

Filed in Quote by on August 30, 2022

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is filled with extraordinary wit and comedy, it is expertly constructed to charm every spectator. In the film, King Arthur and his knights are shown searching for the Holy Grail. Find out more from these Monty python and the holy grail quotes.

 Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

 Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

This laughter-inducing quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail have endured the test of time, and their actions is enough to make anyone smile. Read on to learn more.

1. “Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!” – Dennis

2. “No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.” – French Soldier

3. “I’m not quite dead yet!” – Old Man

4. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.” – King of the Swamp Castle

5. “We want A SHRUBBERY!” – Knights

6. “Tis but a flesh wound!” – Black Knight

7. “Bring out your dead!” – Cart Master

8. King Arthur: “I didn’t know you were called Dennis.”

9. Dennis: “Well you didn’t bother to find out did you?”   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

10. ” Did you dress her up like this?” -Sir Bedevere

11. “NO! No, no, no, no, no, no…” – Villagers

12. One Villager: “Yes.”

13. “Yes. Yes. Yes.  A bit. Yes. A bit. A bit.” -Villagers

14. “On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. ‘Tis a silly place.” – Arthur

15. “This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.” – King of the Swamp Castle

Quotes and Sayings 

16. “We apologize again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.”

17. “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?” – Soldier

18. “Well, I didn’t vote for you.” – Peasant Woman

19. “She turned me into a newt.”   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

20. “I got better.” -Villager B

21. “We dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.” – Knights of Camelot

Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

22. “’Course it’s a good idea!” – God

23. “If…she…weighs the same as a duck……she’s made of wood.” – Villager

24. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food through wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” – French knight to King Arthur

25. “We are the knights who say ‘Ni!’” – Knights of Ni

26. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful. She’s rich. She’s got huge…tracts of land” – King of Swamp Castle

27. “Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.” – Tim the Enchanter

28. “And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, ‘O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.”   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

29. “But if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve ‘Aargh.’ He’d just say it.” – King Arthur

30. “No chance, English bedwetting types! I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms!” – French knight

King Arthur

31. “It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England.” – King Arthur

32. “Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave, is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.” – Tim

33. Below are some Monty Python and The Holy Grail quotes you might have heard before.

34. “This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.” – King Arthur

35. “Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down here!” – Woman

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Dialogue Quotes

36. “Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.” – God

37. “Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?” – Sir Robin

38. “If I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!”    “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

39. “This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.” – King of the Swamp Castle

40. “Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!” – Dennis

41. “You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!” – Sir Robin

42. “Agh! Do your worst!” – Old Crone

43. Three-Headed Knight: (First Head) “I say let’s kill him.”

54. “Oh, stop your whining. First, we kill him, then we have biscuits and tea.” –Sir Galahad

45. “No biscuits. Let’s just kill him already.”

46. King Arthur”You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?”

47. “You make me sad.”

48. “Consult the Book of Armaments!

49. King Arthur “You’re a loony!   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

50. Dennis: “Help, I’m being oppressed. Come and see the violence inherent in the system.

51. Dennis: “We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune.

52. Sir Robin: “You mankey Scots git! -What does he do nibble ya bum?

53. King Arthur: “Right. One… two… five!”

55. King Arthur: “Three!”

56. King Arthur: “Old woman.”

57. Dennis: “Man.”

58. King Arthur: “Man, sorry.”

59. “Just a flesh wound.” – The Black Knight

Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

Monty Python

60. “You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.” – French Soldier

61. “Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!”- Sir Bedevere

62. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction!”   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

63. “It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England.” – King Arthur

64. “You’ve got two empty ‘alves of coconuts and you’re bangin’ em together!” – Guard

65. “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” – French Solider

66. “Come on you pansy!”

67. “Come ‘ere!”

68. “Ohhh, had enough, eh?”

69. “Just a flesh wound.”

70. “Chicken! Chicken!”

71. “Look, I’ll have your leg. Right!” Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s leg.” -Arthur

72. Right, “I’ll do you for that!” -Black Knight

73. “You’ll what?” -Arthur

74. “I’m invincible!”

75. “The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.”

76. “All right; we’ll call it a draw.” -Black Knight

77. “Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what’s coming to you. I’ll bite your legs off!”   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

78. “You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest… WITH… A HERRING!” – Knight 

79. “Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!” – Tim

Funny Quotes

80. “O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.” – King Arthur

81. “Run away!” – King Arthur

82. “I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” – French Soldier

83. “Stop! That’s enough singing for now.” – Sir Robin

84. “Well, you have to know these things when you’re a king, you know.” – King Arthur

85. “Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise but totally unarmed!” – Sir Bedevere

86. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” – King Arthur

short quotes

87. “That Rabbit’s Dynamite!!” – King Arthur     “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

88. King Arthur: “So, where is this beast?”

89. Patsy/Soothsayer: “Don’t you see it? It’s there, right in front of you!”

90. King Arthur:” What, he’s in the cave behind that rabbit”

91. Patsy/Soothsayer: “It is the rabbit!”

92. King Arthur: “… You silly sod!”

93. Zoot/Dingo:” And after the spanking, the oral sex!”

94. Sir Galahad: “Well, I suppose I could stay a bit longer.”

95. Sir Lancelot: “I thought your son was a girl.”

96. King: “That’s understandable”

97. King Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.”

98. French: Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’d be very keen. He’s already got one you see?”

99. King Arthur: (puzzled) What?”  “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

100. Sir Galahad: “They said they already got one.”

Short Conversations 

101. Old Man: “What is your name?”

102. Sir Galahad: “Sir Galahad.”

103. Old Man: “What is your quest?”

104. Sir Galahad: “I seek the Holy Grail.”

105. Old Man: “What, is your favorite color?”

106. Sir Galahad: “Red. No! Blue-” (Falls into the pit)

107. King: “You only killed the bride’s father, you know.”

108. Sir Lancelot: “Well, I didn’t mean to.”   “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”

109. King: “Didn’t mean to? You put your sword right through his head.”

110. Sir Lancelot: “Oh dear… is he all right?”

111. “We are the knights who say ‘Ni!’”- Knights of Ni

112. “Every time I try to talk to someone it’s ‘sorry this’ and ‘forgive me that’ and ‘I’m not worthy.’” – God

113. “Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!” – Dennis

114. “Bring out your dead!” – Cart Master

115. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.” – King of the Swamp Castle

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funny quotes

Enjoyable Quotes

116. “Tis but a flesh wound!” – Black Knight

117. “Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.” – God

118. “We shall say ‘Ni!’ again to you if you do not appease us.” – Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni

119. “Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.” -Zoot

120. “The Castle Anthrax?” -Sir Galahad

121. “Yes—it’s not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we’ll attend to your every need.” -Zoot

122. “It’s just a flesh wound.” – The Black Knight

123. “She turned me into a newt!” – Angry Villager

124. “There are those who call me—Tim.” – Tim The Enchanter

125. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” – King Arthur

126. “There’s some lovely filth down here.” – Peasant Woman

127. “The Black Knights always triumph!” – Black Knight

128. King Arthur: “Well I can’t just call you man.”

129. “Well you could say Dennis.” – Zoot

130. “I didn’t know you were called Dennis.” – King Arthur

131. “Well you didn’t bother to find out, did you?” -Dennis

132. “Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” – Cleric

133. “Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.” – King Arthur

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CSN Team.

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