January 2022 John Mulaney Quotes that will Make Your Day : Current School News

2022 John Mulaney Quotes that will Make Your Day

Filed in Quote by on March 1, 2022

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– 2022 John Mulaney Quotes –

2022 John Mulaney’s quotes are some of the most hilarious sayings you will come across. Best known for his work at Saturday Night Live and for his comedy specials, Mulaney has been a headliner since 2008. In case you are having a dull day, consider going through John Mulaney memes, and jokes for a hearty laugh. 

2022 John Mulaney Quotes

These John Mulaney quotes are more than just for laughs. They also show us bits and pieces of his life as a comedian and how he struggled through and triumphed over addiction.

Funny John Mulaney Quotes

So, if you’re looking for some funny but wise quotes that will help you keep going when times are rough, be sure to check out our collections below:

1. It’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.”

2. “Do you want a salad or fries? That’s like asking, ‘Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?’”

3. “I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be. You watch cartoons and quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about, behind the actual sticks of dynamite and giant anvils falling on you from the sky.”

4. “Heres how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s—as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.”

5. “Things don’t exist until they exist.”

6. “You have your law practice; and me, I have all these fucking markers.”

7. “For those of you who don’t know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep, but your body gets all ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and soldiers on.”

8. “When I’m walking down the street, I don’t think anybody goes, ‘Hey look at that man.’ They’re just like, ‘Woah, that tall child looks terrible.’”

9. “They bullied me when I was in school for being Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I’m not Asian-American.”

10. “I am tiny and I have no money, so you can imagine the stress that I am under.”

11. “I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.”

12. “I was once on the telephone with Blockbuster Video, which is an ancient-fashioned sentence.”

13. “I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.”

14. “Now I get to say, ‘My wife,’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It’s fun to say, ‘My wife.”

15. “It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of law & Order in my apartment.”

16. “If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.”

17. “You should be able to say, ‘I don’t know.’ That should be an acceptable answer on a test.”

18. “All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.”

19. “By 2029, I’ll be drinking moon juice with President Jonathan Taylor Thomas.” “2022 John Mulaney Quotes”

20. “You can do good work by simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.”

21. “I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shovelled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve excellent treatment.”

22. “I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.”

23. “Comfort is everything. You do something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.”

24. “Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.”

25. “I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don’t wanna name an actual airline, so let’s make one up. Let’s just call it Delta Airlines.”

26. I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?’

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27. “I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I could be like that.’”

28. “I kind of thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of the mainstream?’”

29. “Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s outstanding.”

2022 John Mulaney Quotes

30. You remember being 12 when you’re like ‘No one will look at me or I’ll kill myself. 

31. I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

32. You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.

33. I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shovelled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve excellent treatment.

34. You have your law practice; and me, I have all these fucking markers.

35. I enjoy making fun of myself a lot. I enjoy being made fun of, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really hilarious about someone tearing into me.

36. You all have a relative who is an expert, even though they really don’t know what they’re talking about.

37. I can’t listen to any new songs. Because every new song is about how tonight is the night and we only have tonight.

That is such 19-year-old horseshit. I want to write songs for people in their 30s called ‘Tonight’s no good. How about Wednesday? Oh, you’re in Dallas Wednesday? Let’s not see each other for eight months and it doesn’t matter at all.’

38. I like it when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

39. You remember being 12 when you’re like, ‘No one looks at me or I’ll kill myself.’

40. You’re like the kid at the sleepover who, after midnight, is like, ‘It’s tomorrow now.’ Get out of here with your technicalities. Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting. “2022 John Mulaney Quotes”

41. It’s important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspectives, but I don’t think comedy should change and become political because of other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.

42. I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don’t worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls. One day you’ll be able to make this into an episode of TV.

43. My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.

44. You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.

45. Now, I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time. “2022 John Mulaney Quotes”

46. You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. Commitment.

47. 13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this because 8th graders will make fun of you, but accurately. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you.

48. College was like a four-year game show called ‘Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?’

49. We started chanting, McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s! And my dad pulled into the drive-through, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.

50. I don’t look older, I just look worse.

51. Why do people shush animals? They just go ‘Shhh, hey, shhh.’ They’ve never spoken.

52. In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin. “2022 John Mulaney Quotes”

53. If it’s something very hilarious but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial.

This article brings to you some of John’s quotes capturing most of the 2022 John Mulaney Quotes. He is a person whose dedication to making others happy is commendable. 

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