Too Toxic! How to Spot the Traits in Yourself and Others
There are some habits that others exhibit around you that only serve to hold you back and drag you down. To protect your mental and physical health, it’s critical to identify these people and set limits.
Have you ever spent time with someone who first made you feel comfortable but who afterward left you feeling uneasy and emotionally spent?
If so, it’s possible that you came into someone who possessed toxic personality qualities.
They have the ability to sap your happiness and joy and replace them with worry, rage, grief, and other undesirable emotions.
Therefore, it makes sense to pay attention to toxic behavior and develop the ability to recognize the signs.
You will experience a remarkable change in how you perceive and engage with the world around you once you are free of these.
What are Toxic Traits?
The term “toxic traits” refers to patterns of conduct, behaviors, and persistent negative activities. We like to see the best in people, and many harmful tendencies can be subtle. Naturally, it might be difficult to recognize toxic individuals in your life.
There are those folks that make us feel self-conscious. Spending time with them could lead to us acting destructively. They don’t make us shine at our best. These individuals are negative influencers.
48.4% of women and 48.8% of men, respectively, have reported having experienced psychological aggression from a spouse, according to the journal Violence and Victims. You might be surprised to learn how common toxic people are.
What are Personality Traits?
A personality trait is a quality that affects a person’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. They are who they are because of that. A person is made up of personality qualities. A character might be someone’s level of introversion or extroversion, for instance.
While they often remain constant, qualities can alter throughout time as a result of things like:
• Experiences
• Belief structures
• Major life stages
We must distinguish between a “trait” and “behavior” when talking about traits. Often, traits are innate.
On the other hand, we have control over our behaviors. One such feature is one’s degree of “openness.” However, “lying” is an action.
When individuals discuss toxic traits, they typically refer to a person’s behavior rather than personal characteristics. There are two categories of behavior: “healthy” and “unhealthy.” Toxic or unhealthy activities include:
• Selfishness
• Hostility
• Manipulation
Finding the toxic behaviors in your life and eliminating them is the first step in such a mental cleansing.
Let’s examine numerous instances of toxic traits.
Some Examples of Toxic Traits
Toxic traits in people often surface in subtle ways. When toxic behaviors are present in a relationship, you might not immediately notice them. Check out these examples of toxic traits that would help you recognize them when you see them.
1. Self-Centered
People who are toxic are mostly self-centered. They assume they are better than everyone else and don’t consider how their actions can affect others.
A self-centered individual is only concerned with attaining what they want and is unlikely to make concessions or take into account the opinions of others.
2. Negativity
A person who is negative might consider the world to be icy, inhumane, and nasty. They could grumble a lot, ruin the fun, or sap people’s spirits with pessimistic remarks and deeds.
3. Manipulative
They try to influence you to do what they want by using the knowledge they have about you. To get what they want, they frequently twist your words or make you feel bad.
Since your benefits are tainted by the pain and suffering you create, manipulating others will never bring you the inner fulfillment you seek.
4. Pessimism
A pessimist might believe that people are motivated by their own ambitions and interests at the expense of others.
For instance, a pessimistic person might think that a courteous waitress was simply friendly to get a big tip.
5. Judgmentalness
A judgemental person could make snap decisions about people, situations, or even future occurrences. For instance, a friend might warn you beforehand that a concert will be dull or unimpressive.
6. Dishonesty
A dishonest person could deceive or lead people astray. The decision to lie is voluntary. But the propensity to lie is dishonest. Dishonesty is a common coping technique.
7. Rigidness
When things don’t go according to plan, a stiff individual may act stubborn, inflexible, or incapable of adapting.
An employee, for instance, can find it difficult to adjust when a new boss joins your team and alters the dynamic of the group.
8. Arrogance
We often condemn others because we become victims of our own haughtiness. Most people would consider it a bad quality to think of yourself as better than or more important than other people.
9. Rudeness
A rude individual may speak or act in ways that most people would consider to be inappropriate for their culture.
For instance, a customer may converse with a waitress without using the words “please” or “thank you.”
10. Lack of Concern for Other People
A person who lacks empathy may find it difficult to comprehend the emotions and thoughts of others.
For instance, a boss who lacks empathy could not realize that one of their staff members is having trouble finishing tasks because they are exhausted.
11. Controlling
Controlling behavior is one of the most perilous characteristics of a toxic person. To prevent you from interacting with the people around you, they can try to prevent you from speaking to your friends or relatives or restrict your access to resources like money or transportation.
If someone is attempting to limit your freedom of movement or communication, this is domestic violence and has to be addressed right away.
12. Argumentativeness
An argumentative individual could find excitement or pleasure in provoking disputes.
For instance, someone can try to incite a family member into a conflict by finding faults with their plan. Conflict is not always bad, but arguing just for the sake of arguing can be harmful.
13. Passive Aggression
These actions are ways for people to communicate their unhappiness in lieu of having a talk about their issues.
This form of hatred can manifest in a variety of ways and is less overt than anger. Snide remarks, undermining other people’s efforts, and purposely doing or not doing anything to cause someone inconvenience or annoyance are some examples of passive aggression.
14. Easily Agitated
A person who has a short fuse could get offended for reasons that would normally bother most people. For instance, a coworker might lose their temper easily and find it difficult to control it.
15. Jealousy
When you experience jealousy, you think someone else is trying to prevent you from enjoying or possessing something.
You may make spiteful measures to prevent someone from getting what you already have if you dislike them for trying to take it from you.
This is different from jealousy when you might not object to someone else’s satisfaction but yet want to partake in it.
16. Bossiness
Bossy people may take command of a circumstance, demand control, or make their superiority over others clear.
A domineering coworker, for instance, might micromanage your contribution to a project even though they are not in charge of you.
A controlling coworker may also question or undermine your manager’s authority.
17. Greediness
A greedy person could take more than they need, harming other people in the process.
For instance, a friend who is greedy might eat the cake piece you set aside for another friend who couldn’t attend the cake cutting.
18. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
The most overt way toxic people may make you feel lousy is by insulting you, but most of the time their subtler effects on your self-esteem are just as damaging.
They will try to “rain on your parade” or minimize your accomplishments while you are feeling joyful or proud of yourself.
If they want to make you feel stupid or unimportant, they could even pretend to be smarter than you.
19. Holding a Grudge
Your natural tendency may be to harbor resentment toward someone who has wronged you for a long time.
You may not realize it, but you will always carry the pain they caused in your mind and heart as long as you are unable to forgive them.
You must give yourself the gift of forgiveness because the weight of wrong will fall heavier on you.
20. Stinginess
A stingy person could be unwilling to share their time, assets, or money. Even though someone else deserves them, they nevertheless act in this way.
For instance, a frugal family member could balk at paying their share of the check at the restaurant.
21. Insincerity
Every time you deal with the outside world, you have the decision to make: either you will be yourself or you will put on a front.
There is no real joy and happiness in misleading yourself and others. You can believe that your actual self is not what people want to see and that you would succeed more if you keep it hidden.
You’ll be happier and more successful when you behave with sincerity, honesty, and integrity. You’ll also draw admirers who will love you for who you truly are.
22. Sneakiness
A sly person may hide their words and actions from others for their own gain. For instance, a coworker could undermine your efforts by failing to relay a vital directive from your manager.
23. Thoughtlessness
Someone who lacks thought may not take into account how their words or actions may affect other people. For instance, a family member may reveal a secret you discussed with them in confidence to your broader family.
24. Stubbornness
Being rigid in one’s thinking might be problematic because the world is a chaotic and extremely unpredictable place.
You end up living a lie when your beliefs and attitudes become inflexible, even in the face of overwhelmingly contrary data.
If you are stubborn, you won’t be able to adapt to a world that is constantly changing; if you aren’t careful, it will change so drastically that you won’t recognize it and you’ll feel bitter.
25. Disruptiveness
A disruptive individual may speak over or interrupt others for their own benefit. For instance, a worker might be heard playing loud music at the workplace.
26. Apathetic
Apathetic persons may find it difficult to care about things, objectives, or other people. For instance, a disinterested boss may find it difficult to improve their relationship with you.
27. Conflict Avoidance
Conflict avoidance issues can make it difficult for a person to communicate with others because they fear offending them.
For instance, a conflict-avoidant friend could consent to be insulted by another friend out of concern for a disagreement.
28. Demanding Attention
Seeking other people’s attention is rarely a good long-term activity, which is frequently related to arguments about validation and people-pleasing.
You will never be able to enjoy the moments when such attention is not forthcoming if you let the admiration and amusement of passersby serve as the foundation of your sense of self-worth.
You’ll find yourself going to ever-greater lengths to fulfill your ravenous need to be at the center of attention.
29. Impulsiveness
An impulsive person could take hasty actions based on feelings. For instance, an impulsive buddy may overspend because they are unable to control their or emotions.
30. Playing the Victim
Even if you may have been given some extremely unfavorable circumstances during your life, you should make an effort to avoid adopting a victim mentality.
No matter what the past has dealt you, you still have some degree of power over the present and the future.
If you think of yourself as a victim, you’ll be more likely to behave in victim-like ways, which may prevent you from reaching your full potential.
31. Laziness
A lazy person may find it difficult to complete activities because they are uninspired, unmotivated, and undriven. For instance, if an employee doesn’t want to, they may put off finishing their work.
32. Lack of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to reflect on one’s ideas, behaviors, and words.
For instance, despite hindering their own efforts, a toxic buddy who lacks self-awareness cannot comprehend why they haven’t achieved a goal.
33. Making Comparisons with Others
The impulse to compare yourself to others is perhaps the most pervasive of all destructive tendencies.
Due to the total subjectivity of existence, the desire to compare your life to that of others is a completely pointless endeavor.
Physical attributes, monetary possessions, and life experiences are unable to reflect a person’s feelings or thoughts. Only when you are grateful for all that you have in life can you feel true contentment.
34. Absolutism
An absolutist could see things, people, or the entire world as either “good” or “evil.” For instance, despite the other buddy’s apology, an absolutist friend can perceive the other friend as awful because they offended them.
Indications That You’re in a Toxic Relationship
Most people come across someone toxic at least once in their lives. Here are some warning signs that you may need to leave a toxic relationship.
1. They Gaslight You or Tell Lies
Someone with toxic qualities may lie to you or use gaslighting to mask their conduct. When someone gaslights you, they are trying to manipulate you into doubting your version of what happened.
If someone makes you feel anxious about your sentiments or your expertise, you’ll know they’re trying to gaslight you.
2. They Don’t Provide a Sincere Apology
An apology that downplays their acts may be used by someone with toxic tendencies to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They might remark, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry, but…” as examples.
You can point out when someone apologizes to you by using one of these excuses. Sometimes people are unaware that they are not acting with compassion or empathy.
3. They are Unaware of how their Actions Affect Other People
Lacking emotional intelligence, a person with toxic qualities may not be aware of or care about how their actions affect other people.
If someone is hurting others but is unaware of it, try talking to them about it. You might need to impose restrictions or quit spending time with them if they won’t listen.
Keep in mind that there are various listening techniques you might employ. Remember that every person responds to each type in a unique way.
4. They Believe That Their Actions have Made Them Victims
Someone with toxic tendencies could have a rigid perspective on their actions. I can’t change, declares stuck thinking. A growth mindset, on the other hand, affirms that “I can modify my behavior with hard work and a strong sense of self.”
Someone hasn’t likely taken responsibility for their actions if they simply see themselves as victims of their own lives. And they are not yet prepared to alter it.
Misconceptions about Toxic Traits
Check out these misconceptions regarding toxic traits.
1. People can’t Change their Toxic Personality Traits
It’s simple to believe that unfavorable behavioral habits will always exist. However, this is untrue. Our personalities are ephemeral and adapt as we gain knowledge, mature, and gain new experiences.
Most people have the capacity to modify their harmful features if they:
• Work to recognize them
• Recognize their effect
• Stop the poisonous behaviors consciously.
2. You can Fix Someone Else’s Toxic Traits
Unfortunately, if the individual with toxic tendencies doesn’t want to change, nobody can change it, not even therapists or life coaches.
Toxic characteristics require:
• Self-awareness
• Introspection
• Willingness to develop personally
By addressing their harmful tendencies, you can support someone, but you can’t control or change their conduct.
3. People that Exhibit Toxic Traits are Aware of Them
It’s normal to infer that someone intentionally chose to act badly. However, a lot of people with toxic tendencies are unaware of how their actions affect other people.
You might not be aware of your poisonous personality traits. Absolutism is one harmful trait that shows up subtly.
Unless something compels you to consider your perspective, you might not be aware of how you perceive the world.
4. A Toxic Personality makes a Person Intrinsically Bad
While a person’s toxic or unfavorable attributes may cause harm to others, they do not always render a person innately evil or bad-intentioned.
As we encounter new things, we are all developing and learning. You can have toxic tendencies and still be a decent person. In actuality, everyone occasionally behaves negatively.
Developing harmful qualities is a common coping method for many people. For example, many dishonest people lie about their lives to protect themselves from other people’s judgment.
How to Deal with Toxic Personality Traits in a Relationship and at Work
Here are some strategies to help you deal with toxic people since you can’t always cut them out of your life.
1. Recognize that it’s not About You
You can be tempted to place the responsibility on yourself when the actions of another person make you feel uneasy or depressed.
Don’t. It’s not you that suffers and feels insecure; it’s other people. Only you have authority over your own behavior, sense of worth, and mental health.
2. Try not to Respond
Reacting with rage, aggressiveness, or frustration when someone treats you badly may make things worse.
Instead, begin by inhaling deeply. Then, if at all feasible, get out of there and take care of yourself.
Depending on the behavior, grey-rocking is another option. When you “grey rock” someone, you act emotionless or uninterested to make it difficult for them to interact with you.
3. Set your Boundaries
You can lessen the effects of someone’s actions on you by setting clear boundaries with them. Every limit should have an impact.
4. Seek Help from Others
The social well-being of your buddy group, family, or team might be harmed by someone’s toxic tendencies.
Of course, you might need to ask for help from others. Together, you can approach the individual about their behavior and forge a stronger bond.
Conclusion
It will be simpler to identify toxic behaviors in both your professional and personal relationships once you know what they look like.
Someone who has poisonous characteristics can harm you. But keep in mind that your behavior is not a reflection of yours, and you are not in charge of changing it.
The only people who can accept responsibility for their acts and change are those with poisonous personality qualities. Thank you for reading. Do well to drop your thoughts in the comment section below.
CSN Team.
