25 Examples of Manipulation in Relationships

Emotional manipulation can be difficult to detect. Sometimes the people we trust the most use deception to make you feel guilty, wrong, or as if you’ve hurt them, even though you’re the one being hurt.

We are all capable of being manipulated or of becoming manipulators. Manipulation can be as simple as batting your eyes at someone in a flirtatious manner.

Unfortunately, some people escalate into deceptive and nasty manipulators, displaying various examples of manipulation in relationships.

Manipulation by your partner may cause you to doubt your own value and version of events. It can also have a long-term negative impact on your confidence and insecurity levels.

That is why it is critical to recognize when someone is attempting to manipulate you.

Defining Relationship Manipulation

Manipulators exploit and control people in order to achieve their own needs and goals. Not giving you a straight answer is an example of manipulation in a relationship.

Sometimes this is due to a lack of alternative communication methods.

Narcissists and psychopaths, for example, are skilled manipulators in part because they lack empathy. Of course, they want to be at the center of attention and get what they want in life.

We are all potential targets because we want to believe the best in people.

Furthermore, the signs of manipulation can be subtle, especially if disguised with charm.

Whether it’s positive or negative manipulation, you’re still being forced to feel or do something you don’t want to do.

How to Recognize Manipulator Traits

Because relationships can be confusing, it is not always easy to identify examples of manipulation. They may appear friendly and charming on the surface, but they have a dark motivation.

A manipulator is someone who makes you feel confused, guilty, or physically abused. For more information, read this article on recognizing manipulators.

The Following are 25 Signs of Manipulative Behavior in Relationships

The first step in recognizing manipulation is to observe and name the behavior. It will be difficult to ignore your doubts that it is you because master manipulators thrive on confusion.

Nonetheless, consider these examples of manipulation and don’t be afraid to accept them if you’ve had similar experiences. There is no shame, and it is a courageous step to take.

1. Uncertain Boundaries

Another major indicator of manipulation is when all boundaries are blurred.

Manipulators want to maximize their personal gain by keeping all options open. That is impossible with fixed boundaries.

Instead, they are extremely adept at adapting to situations in order to get the most out of those around them, not just their romantic partner.

This adds to your confusion as you hear them repeatedly defend vastly different points of view.

2. Using Hostility and Intimidation

Emotions are the most effective tool for controlling and manipulating others. Most of us like to believe that we make decisions based on logic and reason. We do, however, require emotions.

Furthermore, many of us are not taught how to manage our emotions, making us easy prey.

Despite not feeling emotions, even psychopaths understand the power of emotions to get people to do what they want, according to this study.

Because they cause us to stop and freeze, anger and intimidation are excellent examples of manipulation in relationships. We want to do everything we can to safeguard ourselves.

As a result, the manipulator triumphs.

3. Pretending to Be Perplexed

Manipulation in relationships frequently includes denial and feigned confusion. For example, your partner may pretend that he or she does not understand what you want.

Alternatively, they may purposefully do something wrong in order to avoid helping around the house.

Loading the dishwasher with crockery in the way of the spinning blades is a common example.

4. Continuous Drama

Drama is a common source of manipulation in relationships. As a result, your partner may make broad judgments or generalizations about you.

“You’re the only one who knows how to do this,” for example, or “no one does it like you.”

Threatening you with suicide is the most deceptive communication style. This is frequently just another tactic, but the worst part is that you’re not sure.

Regardless, you must take care of yourself. That is why it is perfectly acceptable to seek professional assistance in such cases, such as the local suicide hotline.

5. Threats of Separation 

According to studies, we are afraid of what might happen and our inability to predict it.

Because fear keeps bubbling away in the back of your mind, this is a powerful tool for subtle manipulation tactics.

So, when your partner threatens to leave you, take the kids, or the house, you may not believe him or her at first.

Nonetheless, it creeps into your dreams, raising your anxiety and causing you to succumb to the characteristics of a manipulator.

6. Passive Aggressive

When people don’t say what they mean, it’s one of the most frustrating examples of manipulation in relationships.

Alternatively, they will remain silent and simply stare at you, leaving you to guess what is wrong.

Other passive-aggressive manipulative language examples include gritting one’s teeth and saying “thank you” in response to criticism.

Essentially, that person is experiencing negative emotions that they are unable or unwilling to express openly.

7. Gaslighting

This is similar to repackaging the truth, except that with gaslighting, you lose yourself and your ability to tell what’s real and what’s not. You begin to believe you’re going insane.

According to gaslighting research, there are various ways to trick someone into thinking they’re insane.

These include denying facts, downplaying events, switching topics, blaming inadequacy, and withholding information. All of these are examples of relationship manipulation.

8. Repackage Reality

One of the most obvious forms of manipulation in relationships is when they twist the truth or leave out important details.

As you listen to your manipulator and realize that their truth makes them look so much better, you’ll almost do a double take.

The worst part is when you begin to deny their truth and argue that they are incorrect. That is when they may employ their full manipulative communication style.

It can quickly become gruesome, personal, and nasty.

9. Blackmail 

Emotional blackmail is another important example of relationship manipulation. To get what they want, people use the silent treatment or sarcasm.

They might even agree to do something you want to use as a bargaining chip later on.

In her book ‘Emotional Blackmail,’ psychotherapist Susan Forward went a step further and defined what she called FOG: Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.

In essence, blackmailers want something from you and will use your emotions to force you to give in.

These can be subtle manipulation tactics, but they are definitely on the list of indicators of relationship manipulation.

10. Accusing Language

Every example of manipulation in a relationship influences how someone thinks and behaves. Whatever the motivation, language is still one of the most powerful tools for sowing seeds of doubt.

When someone accuses them of not being their best, most people pause and reflect.

That is when you begin to doubt yourself and wonder if it is you or your partner.

Imagine being bombarded with statements like “you’re overreacting,” “you’re imagining things,” and “you wouldn’t question me if you loved me” all day.

Any normal person would succumb and do whatever the speaker desired.

11. Guilt Journey

You will feel guilty at some point, regardless of which examples of emotional manipulation you are experiencing.

Finally, you begin to doubt yourself and wonder if you are the source of all these problems.

The best manipulators will then exploit your guilt to extract even more from you. It’s a type of gaslighting because you begin to feel responsible for something you never did.

You then try to change your behavior, but the manipulator has already got you.

12. Changing Perspectives

One of the perplexing characteristics of emotional manipulators in relationships is their tendency to change their minds about things.

As previously stated, this is because they are attempting to optimize their gains based on the situation.

Because you never know where your partner stands, your partner’s changing opinion can have a huge impact on you.

As you try to avoid further examples of manipulation in relationships, you’ll find yourself walking on eggshells.

13. Imposition of their Agenda

As previously stated, power can play a significant role in examples of manipulation in relationships. As a result, you will notice them inserting specific topics into conversations.

They will also only pay attention if it is something they want to discuss.

The overall goal of these types of manipulation in relationships is to demonstrate that they know more than everyone else. Manipulators seek to be superior at any cost.

14. Overcompensate With Flattery

Whatever types of relationship manipulation you are experiencing, they will have an impact on your emotions.

You can be criticized one day and then showered with compliments the next. Again, master manipulators are skilled at adapting to changing circumstances.

Surprisingly, you don’t always know what makes them hot or cold because their issues and insecurities play a role.

Unfortunately, manipulators typically employ these techniques to conceal their shortcomings or to satisfy a desire for something, most often power.

15. Play the Victim 

Control is an example of manipulation in a relationship. What better way to accomplish this than to exploit sympathy? You’re more likely to comply if you feel sorry for them.

Yes, they are exploiting the fact that you are a good person.

This isn’t surprising given that the best manipulators are psychopaths and narcissists, neither of whom can feel empathy.

They still know enough about human behavior to take advantage of you.

16. Outbursts of Emotion

Manipulators want to be the center of the universe. Unfortunately, they and those around them never learned how to manage their emotions and navigate life in a socially acceptable manner.

Tantrums can occur in adults as well as children when emotions are uncontrolled.

Adult tantrums may be characterized by increased agitation, faster pacing, or aggressive movements.

You don’t want to get involved when this happens, so walk away as quietly as possible to keep yourself safe.

17. Put Others Up Against You

When your family and friends start siding with your manipulator, this is a painful example of manipulation in a relationship.

They are frequently charming and skilled at spinning a story that many of us believe.

Narcissists are so skilled at this that they frequently fool themselves.

Furthermore, they maintain center stage by enlisting the support of friends and family. Narcissists crave attention and devotion and will charm and lie to obtain it.

18. Gifts to Buy You Back

Bribery is perhaps one of the more obvious examples of manipulation in relationships. Imagine being scolded and criticized, only to have your partner go out and buy you a bouquet of flowers.

The apology may appear sincere, but it is simply a bribe to get you back under their control.

Naturally, if this is a one-time occurrence, you may be dealing with a simple trigger that irritated your partner.

You can work through it together in a healthy and grounded relationship to understand what you both need from each other.

19. Control and Physical Intimidation

The majority of the examples of manipulation in relationships above involve language.

Not to mention physical aggression, which is simply using one’s body to intimidate and coerce you.

This heightens your fear, and you’re more likely to succumb as you try to stay physically safe.

All examples of manipulative behavior are about power, but they are also about avoiding responsibility.

So manipulators end up living in an absurd paradox in which they don’t want to be held accountable for anything but still want to control you.

Controlling you alleviates their fear of being abandoned while giving the impression that you admire them.

Furthermore, by perplexing you, they define your so-called reality, providing them with a false sense of security in an ever-changing world.

20. Criteria Modification

Manipulators are skilled at changing their minds and shifting their goals based on the circumstances. This logical fallacy is frequently employed by narcissists and sociopaths.

Overall, they keep raising their expectations of you to the point where you feel like you’ll never be enough.

The overarching goal is to make themselves feel better by appearing superior.

They require someone to serve their needs and fill the void in their lives, but they have no empathy for others.

Of course, they’ll never see how much effort you put in and will continue to demand more until you’re completely exhausted.

21. Overwhelming Interest

When they lavish you with attention, this is an example of manipulation in a relationship.

This will appear as love, such as caring statements, doing things around the house, or assisting you in some other way.

Giving you undivided attention can happen at any time in a relationship, but it is especially difficult at the beginning.

You’re caught in a whirlwind as you rush through the dating stages faster than you’d like.

All decisions are suddenly made for you, and you feel as if you owe them something.

22. Assess and Criticize

Demeaning and critical language is another common form of manipulation. The manipulator can then shame you and either crush you or put you on the defensive.

This can sometimes be accomplished through the use of so-called humor or sarcasm.

It’s hurtful in either case, and your self-esteem suffers as a result. As the abuse continues, you may begin to doubt yourself so much that you isolate yourself from family and friends. Y

ou are effectively trapped in a vicious circle of self-doubt and loneliness.

23. Overreaction Over Petty Fights

Picking fights with you over trivial matters is another example of emotional manipulation.

The problems are exaggerated, and there is an overreaction that makes you feel guilty and trapped. It can persuade you that you are the source of massive upheaval.

The goal of these examples of manipulative behavior is to shift the focus away from you and your perceived mistakes.

It can have the effect of making you feel insecure and guilty, which the manipulator can use to their advantage.

24. Focus on Your Insecurities 

Emotional manipulators in relationships know how to exploit your doubts. So, if you’re worried about not being good enough in the relationship, they’ll tell you that you’re never there for them.

The idea is that you give in to their demands in the hope of feeling better about yourself.

This is just one example of relationship manipulation, and you’ll feel worse as time goes on because you keep sacrificing your own needs.

25. Claim Ignorance

The victim is usually frustrated by the manipulative communication style that makes the manipulator appear stupid.

Add to that the confusion and pain, and your emotional health will beg for assistance.

In general, the goal is to avoid doing whatever you need or want to do. It could also be a way to avoid doing chores or spending time with the kids.

This example of manipulation in a relationship aims to frustrate you into doing whatever your manipulator desires.

Managing Relationship Emotional Manipulators

To begin, observe examples of manipulation in relationships and work with a coach or therapist to understand your role in the dynamic. We can unknowingly pick up on manipulative behaviors.

Second, understand your needs and how to set boundaries based on them. Work with your partner, possibly through couples counseling, to help each other understand your motivations for your behaviors.

Final Thought about Relationship Manipulation

Manipulators leave a trail of hurt and confusion in their wake, as evidenced by the numerous examples of manipulation in relationships. Gaslighting, lying, guilt-tripping, and even flattery are examples. You’re then left wondering if you’re doing enough for them.

It is always possible to recover and heal from toxic relationships.

Working with a professional to determine your needs and whether the relationship is right for you is often the best option. Begin by establishing boundaries and learning to say no. As you reclaim your life, this becomes highly therapeutic in and of itself.

This article is unique and helpful, share it to a friend facing manipulation in his or her relationship to help them out of it.

CSN Team.